That's a picture of my sister-in-law feeding my son...he's about 2 weeks old here.
Now you're probably saying to yourself, "No big deal." But it IS a big deal--it's a huge deal, and it was the biggest mistake I made with my son.
Don't get me wrong--I love my sister-in-law. She's a fantastic mother, sister-in-law, and wife to my brother. She's crazy about my kids and I'm nuts over my nephew. She always encouraged me to do what was best for myself and my children when it came to feeding...and she buys my kids the CUTEST clothes :)
My sister-in-law was not the problem--I was. I didn't know how incredibly important feeding was between a new mom and a new baby, and as a result, ANYONE who came into my house fed my son. People wanted to feed him, and not knowing how to say no, I miserably let them. I dreaded having people in my home because I felt like they were going to "take my baby away from me." I said that to myself countless times and I never knew why I was so insecure with my son.
It was because I was missing out on the bonding that comes from being the exclusive food source for my baby.
Bubby bonded with me...sort of. We joke now that I'm number one on Boo's list, but that Bubby never really had a list. It's funny, but it's true. Anyone who came, held him and fed him he was pretty okay with--I rarely remember him being handed back to me because he "wanted" me (this happens all the time now with my daughter). It's true that he and Boo are different kids, but I can't help but wonder how things would have been different if had not let so many different people feed him. I really feel like we missed out on some of the most important mother/child bonding and we're still making up for it.
With Boo I have been a big, fat jerk. Until she was well over a month old, no one fed her but me. Breastfeeding mothers will talk about the incredible bond they feel with their babies because they are the only one who can supply food for their babies--but here's the beauty of it--babies don't know this. As a bottle feeding mother, you can still be the only one who feeds your child. I now occasionally let other people feed her, but it's rare and she doesn't always let them.
Breastfeeding is such a private moment, and I encourage new moms to go off by yourself when you are in a crowd and feed your baby in a private, quiet room--just like a breastfeeding mom would. I also truly, truly believe that the mother should be the only one to feed the baby for at least four weeks. This is probably going to make people mad and upset your mother--but they will get over it. Just because it's POSSIBLE for other people to feed doesn't mean they SHOULD. Your baby won't know that anyone with two hands can stick a bottle in her mouth--and when she's hungry, she'll cry for her only food source: Mom.
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Thank you!!!! You have no idea how greatful I am for this. I know exactly what you mean. When my son Cole was born I was going to breastfeed him no if's and's or butt's about it. However I ended up in a complicated birth which lead to one thing and then another and he was given a bottle. I was so angry and then proceeded to try and breastfeed him while trying to take away the bottle. However no one tells you how difficult it is to breastfeed. I tried for three months and with no success due to unforseen complications and then went completely on a bottle. I too let others bottle feed Cole not realizing the bonding time I was loosing. I too felt like when ever we went to someones home or they came to my home that I was having my baby taken away from me but didn't say anything because I felt that I had no reason not to let someone else feed my baby boy. I thought I had a good bond with Cole until the birth of my daughter Bethany. I was able to breastfeed Bethany successfull for eight months and it was wonderful but I did notice the difference in the bond between her and my son. I went through all the dirty looks and the guilt while bottle feeding my son and regreted things for the longest time. I felt like a failure for not being able to due what was natural and I had to learn that it wasn't my fault. I don't think that any new mother whether it be your first or last child should ever have to feel this way about bottle feeding your baby. I am so very glad that there is someplace like this for those that are bottle feeding it would have been such and encouragment at the time when I needed it. I loved the time that I breastfed my daughter and I wished I would have loved the time bottle feeding my son. I am still trying to have a stronger bond with Cole and he is now almost three. I think it is even harder now that there is a new baby at home and she is now a year old. Good luck to all those out there and don't let others get you down for a choice you have made for one reason or another. Not everyone is made to breastfeed and that is not wrong! Even though I breastfed my daughter there were times that a bottle would have been easier and more convenient (I can't spell) ecspecially in public for those who are uncomfortable breastfeeding in public. Bottle feed babies are just as healthy and I certianly did not like when they told me that breastfeed babies were smarter than bottle feed babies. I thought great I am a failure at breastfeeding my son and my son is going to be dumb. Again Carrie thank you so much there are more mothers than you think that could use this encouragement right now.
ReplyDeleteCandace-
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing your story! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only mom out there who felt like her child was being stolen from her every time she went some where or had people in her house. It helps to strengthen my point: Mom should be the only food source regardless of the way baby's fed.