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As you now know, I exclusively bottle fed my son and I am currently in the process of exclusively bottle feeding my daughter. I'd like to talk about the biggest mistake I made when my son was born, how I fixed this when my daughter was born, and the difference it has made.
That's a picture of my sister-in-law feeding my son...he's about 2 weeks old here.
Now you're probably saying to yourself, "No big deal." But it IS a big deal--it's a huge deal, and it was the biggest mistake I made with my son.
Don't get me wrong--I love my sister-in-law. She's a fantastic mother, sister-in-law, and wife to my brother. She's crazy about my kids and I'm nuts over my nephew. She always encouraged me to do what was best for myself and my children when it came to feeding...and she buys my kids the CUTEST clothes :)
My sister-in-law was not the problem--I was. I didn't know how incredibly important feeding was between a new mom and a new baby, and as a result, ANYONE who came into my house fed my son. People wanted to feed him, and not knowing how to say no, I miserably let them. I dreaded having people in my home because I felt like they were going to "take my baby away from me." I said that to myself countless times and I never knew why I was so insecure with my son.
It was because I was missing out on the bonding that comes from being the exclusive food source for my baby.
Bubby bonded with me...sort of. We joke now that I'm number one on Boo's list, but that Bubby never really had a list. It's funny, but it's true. Anyone who came, held him and fed him he was pretty okay with--I rarely remember him being handed back to me because he "wanted" me (this happens all the time now with my daughter). It's true that he and Boo are different kids, but I can't help but wonder how things would have been different if had not let so many different people feed him. I really feel like we missed out on some of the most important mother/child bonding and we're still making up for it.
With Boo I have been a big, fat jerk. Until she was well over a month old, no one fed her but me. Breastfeeding mothers will talk about the incredible bond they feel with their babies because they are the only one who can supply food for their babies--but here's the beauty of it--babies don't know this. As a bottle feeding mother, you can still be the only one who feeds your child. I now occasionally let other people feed her, but it's rare and she doesn't always let them.
Breastfeeding is such a private moment, and I encourage new moms to go off by yourself when you are in a crowd and feed your baby in a private, quiet room--just like a breastfeeding mom would. I also truly, truly believe that the mother should be the only one to feed the baby for at least four weeks. This is probably going to make people mad and upset your mother--but they will get over it. Just because it's POSSIBLE for other people to feed doesn't mean they SHOULD. Your baby won't know that anyone with two hands can stick a bottle in her mouth--and when she's hungry, she'll cry for her only food source: Mom.
I'm very excited to start this blog! Bottle feeding is something that I feel very passionately about and I want to offer new moms ( & seasoned moms!) as much help and advice as I can--and if nothing else, provide you with a place to vent!!
I'll start with a little bit of my story to explain why bottles & bottle feeding became such a huge part of my life. My journey to bottles actually started when I was in the fourth grade and I "blossomed" into a young lady overnight. By eighth grade I had a bigger chest than all my teachers and by senior year I had to buy a two-piece prom dress to accommodate my enormous chest and tiny hips (where did those go, by the way??).
As I entered college I realized that something had to be done. Not only did I look huge, I felt huge. My chest had begun to limit my ability to do activities such as run or jog--and going down stairs was not pretty. I was extremely embarrassed by my appearance and finding modest clothes was next to impossible. I had back aches and shoulder issues and to this day I have permanent dips in my shoulders from wearing a bra almost 24/7. It was time to do something.
My wonderful, wonderful parents agreed to let me meet with Dr. Linderman, a plastic surgeon. After discussing with him my medical and emotional issues associated with my breasts, we decided that a breast reduction surgery would be the best answer to my problems & prayers. On September 20, 2002 I went into surgery and came out 5 full pounds lighter. Dr. Linderman removed approximately 2.5 pounds of tissue from each breast. My bra size went from an F to a D (yes, I still have plenty left!!).
September 20, 2002 changed my life. It was easier to dress in modest clothing. Running down stairs didn't hurt anymore. Bathing suits fit. Shopping for a wedding dress didn't bring me to tears. But that day took something from me that I could never get back--my ability to breast feed. And I don't regret it--not one, single bit.
When I was pregnant with my son I researched breast feeding after breast reduction--and there's a really great website http://www.bfar.org that offers a lot of help and advice. From the best that I could tell, if you really focused and did nothing else but try to breastfeed, after about 4 months, it might work. Maybe. The women I read about had babies who weren't growing and who cried out in hunger all of the time. I couldn't do that to myself, and I certainly couldn't do it to my beautiful baby boy.
I tried breastfeeding for 2 weeks and never got any milk. It was incredibly painful because my milk came in, but due to the removal and replacement of my nipples, it could not come out. It was a very stressful time for both me and my son. Bottles and formula became a permanent fixture in our home. I made a lot of mistakes the first time around, but more on that next time.
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