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According to Pediatrics, a medical journal,in their October 2008 issue, at 3 months of age, 61% of babies are formula feed exclusively. Of the remaining 39% of babies that are breastfed, approximately 34% are supplemented with formula.
A little math later, we have approximately 74 babies out of 100 receiving formula through a bottle for some or all of their nutrition after 3 months of age.
I guess this statistic shouldn't be so surprising. Off the top of my head I can name about 7 different bottle companies and at least 4 big formula companies, not to mention generics (we'll get to that later). Surely there wouldn't be that much stuff out there--not to mention all the advertising dollars spent for all that stuff--if there wasn't a market for it.
More than anything, I want to offer this statistic to any bottle-feeding mom who feels like a failure or feels like she gave up. I want to let you know that you're not alone out there. I know there were times after my son was born when I felt like (or was made to feel like) less of a mother because I didn't--couldn't--breastfeed. Breastfeeding works out really well for some families, and for others, it doesn't...and that's okay.
My husband found himself in a "battle of words" with a former friend this week. The woman said that she'd been to my blog and "disagreed with basically EVERYTHING in it." Clearly, she hadn't really read my blog that closely because I'm fairly sure that I never said that bottle feeding was better than breastfeeding or that anyone should give up breastfeeding to bottle feed--just that it was the only option for my family and that I wanted to offer support and information to other bottle feeding families becauseI felt like there wasn't much out there. This woman made us feel like if we couldn't breastfeed, we should just let our babies die of starvation. I'm sorry, but that's discrimination. It frustrates me that there are people out there who feel like if you don't breastfeed you're not as good as them--I guess it just seems like these are the only people doing the talking.
So, there you go--I bottle feed, my kids are happy, healthy, and loved. I'm not better or worse than anyone else. And I truly, truly hope that if I had been able to breastfeed, I would have never had that "I'm better than you" attitude that SOME (not all) people do.
I
met a guy the other day--no, not like that.
But I did meet a guy at a workshop for Science & Math teachers and after a few minutes of conversation we realized that we had babies about the same age--his was actually a little older. He asked the classic question, "Is you baby sleeping through the night?" I said yes and he seemed a little frustrated. Before I poured on him my infinite wealth of knowledge (ha ha) I asked how is baby was fed.
He hemhawed around a little (did I mention my mom was from southern Indiana?) and I thought to myself, "Oh, okay, the baby is breastfed and he's trying to figure out a way to say that without actually using the word "breast." I can understand that, I wouldn't want to say it to some girl I just met if I was him either." But he didn't. He almost seemed ashamed as he admitted that his baby was bottle fed.
Why the shame?? Why the guilt?? Why can't we just admit that it didn't work out for us?? In all honesty, this man was one of the most confident teachers I've ever met. He had a beautiful wife and adorable kids--why would such a great family be so embarrassed to admit that they bottle feed?? I'm just so tried of formula feeding being looked at as second best. Or worse-as failure.
Sidebar--did you know that after about 6 months of breastfeeding, most babies need an iron supplement?? Hmmm....
To quote the shopgirl from "You've Got Mail," I don't really want an answer. I'm just sending this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.
Let me know what you're thinking.
I am extremely blessed. I have a wonderful husband, two gorgeous, healthy children, an adorable house, a sweet pug and a job I love. I am saved by grace and a child of God.
But that's not why I say I'm lucky. I'm lucky because I didn't have to choose to bottle feed. Most of the women reading this blog will have chosen to bottle feed through one path or another. I didn't breastfeed because I couldn't breastfeed. And when I get those looks--you know the ones I am talking about--I can say, "I had a breast surgery and I cannot breastfeed," and happily go on feeding my baby her bottle. Both my doctor and my mother support my bottle feeding--in fact, they both thought I was crazy even to try to breastfeed my son. Not every girl here has is so lucky.
I by no means want to bash breastfeeding or women who breastfeed--but there are times that I think if I hear "breast milk is best" one more time I will scream. I read one article in a parenting magazine that suggested putting a warning label on formula--like they have on cigarettes and alcohol.
I don't want to widen the gap between the breastfeeders and the bottle feeders, but I do want to give bottle feeders a chance to have their voices unashamedly heard. It's a tough world out there for a bottle feeder. I've gotten nasty looks as I prepared my baby's formula in public. I've had conversions with tons of women who I know pity me and my inability to breastfeed. I've had to endure countless magazine article, latation consultants, well-meaning friends, and nosy strangers telling me about the wonders of breastfeeding. And I've heard "breast milk is best, but...." more times than I care to count. I don't know if breast milk is best or not because I haven't done the research--and I have $10 that says most of the people saying it to you haven't done it either.
What I want to do here is remove the "but" and the guilt. I bottle feed. Period. Not "I wanted to breastfeed but I had surgery." Not "I wanted to breastfeed but I adopted." Not "I wanted to breastfeed but I had a premie." Not "I wanted to breastffeed but I got an infection." No buts, no guilt.
I bottle feed. Period.
This is where we will vent. When someone says something to you that hurts your feelings, makes you feel guilty or just really cheeses you off, tell us about it. Please don't use any profanity or actual names--I'll take those comments off. Just refer to all women as "Betty."
There are countless books, websites and support groups for breastfeeders--it's time we had some support, too!
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